Vigil for Jimmy

On this early April morning of 2021 , my older brother Jimmy is breathing regularly and sleeping deeply in the living room of his lovely home in Portland , OR . What will I talk to him about when he wakes? I read somewhere that for people near life’s end who are suffering some mental confusion, general questions are best. For instance yesterday I asked, “what is your favorite thing in this room, Jimmy?” He sweetly replied, “ you “ , piercing my heart. I think maybe he would like to hear me play my ukelele and sing to him, but he declines my offer. I expect my level of playing is just not up to par , and though it comforts me, it agitates him. I need more practice. Or another kind of instrument. I wish I could play the harp. I would like to turn his bed to face the windows and he could see and feel the spring skies, the tall trees, and the sun . I want him to feel a joy in the passing of the day, a release from worldly cares.

We encourage him to think of himself as an astronaut, lifting to the skies in his confined space suit. My sisters both thought of that image in the last few days. I encourage him to drift into dreams of places and experiences that bring gentle pleasure – the charms of hilltop Provençal villages, sunsets on the glorious Oregon beach, shared memories from our Kansas childhood. Last night after a long day with very little wakefulness , he asked what time it was, and said he was going to try to stay awake more. This is what his dear wife would prefer – a few more days, time to be with him, presence in the present world. He is stepping into both worlds of present time, and eternal time . It comforts me when I hear that he has asked about Mama, and says that Daddy is coming to visit.

Biocosm, is the title of the book he wrote in the early years of the 21st century – about the life friendly properties of the universe and how intelligence itself may be the architect of the universe. I am taking the longest time reading his work, but am lately a great advocate of his theory, however imaginative. In chapter one he states his theory , “ The essence of what I am calling the “Selfish Biocosm” hypothesis is that the universe we are privileged to inhabit is literally in the process of transforming itself from inanimate to animate matter”. In his preface, hie quotes Newton, “ I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered before me. “

Perhaps where he is going , and what he learns will quench his great curiosity about the profound questions that “ have gripped the minds of philosophers and prophets for thousands of years.”